Two weddings – Part 2

Bunny’s wedding was altogether different from Bambi’s wedding.

Firstly, it was a “love marriage”. Bambi’s had been an “arranged, Hindu marriage”. Secondly, it was a Christian wedding, even though the bride wore a beautiful bright yellow saree instead of a white wedding gown and the rite of gifting of ‘mangalsutra’ was incorporated into the wedding along with the rite of the exchange of the wedding-rings. We also played a tape of ‘shehnai’ music in a low key in the background, during the reception.

Bambi’s wedding reception was attended by more that 1000 people. (We know. We paid to the caterer for that many ‘thalis’.) Bunny’s wedding was a small, intimate affair with only about 50 people attending, most of whom were her University professors and classmates. (We had paid for 80 people to the caterer, but the Xmas holidays had started and many invitees were out of the town visiting relatives.)

Bunny’s wedding was celebrated in three different countries at three different times. The actual wedding took place in her university’s hall in the USA. Nobody from the groom’s side could attend the wedding because all his relatives were in Germany (he is a German) and his parents were too old to travel. So when Ingo and Bunny went to Germany, they also hosted a reception there. From our side too, only five people could attend, that is us and Bambi’s family of 3 (Vishnu, Bambi and Mitali, who was just 3 years old at that time.) So, when Ingo and Bunny came to Mumbai to visit us, we hosted another reception so that all our ‘extended family’ members and friends could meet Ingo. All the three receptions were small compared to Bambi’s huge ‘big fat Indian wedding’.

When Bunny was studying in USA, I had started looking around for a suitable boy for her. This time I was more at home. I had developed the confidence after Bambi’s wedding, which was ‘arranged’ by us.

I short-listed some 18 boys for her and started corresponding with the parents of these 18 boys.

Immediately we ran into difficulties. It is not easy to arrange a wedding when the prospective bride is not here in India to ‘show’ to the parents of the grooms. The parents of the grooms also were in a quandary, because even though they preferred a girl studying in the USA and liked her photo, how to arrange for the boy and the girl to meet?

However, doggedly we were pursuing our objective when we first received a hint from Bambi. “Mom, go a bit easy on the groom-hunting” she said, “I think Bunny already has somebody in the mind.”

“What nonsense!” I said, “She is too young to know her mind.” (for a mother, her children are always too young to do anything.)

Bambi laughed. “Mom, you are the limit. You mean she is too young to know her mind, but old enough to get married?”

“That is different” said I.

“How?” countered Bambi.

“Listen! When we arrange a wedding, we will take into consideration everything, the boy’s education, earning, family background, caste, creed, everything. We arranged your marriage. Didn’t we? Do you have any complaints?” I asked.

“No. I have no complaints, but Mom, your own was a love-marriage. Did you bother about all these factors when you married Dad?” Bambi asked pointblank.

She was always an argumentative type person.

“So, hold your horses till Bunny tells you” Bambi advised.

“But I can’t wait infinitely. How long should I wait before I can have a heart-to-heart talk with Bunny?” I asked helplessly.

“Her Convocation is just round the corner. In any case, you are coming here for that. So just chill and wait till then.”

So, I ‘chilled’ and froze the 18 proposals that I had in the pipeline.

A few days before the Convocation, Bunny herself called and told us the NEWS that Ingo had proposed to her and she had accepted.

On our behalf, Vishnu, Bambi and Mitali had already visited the University and met Ingo. They had immensely liked him.

Then we swung in action. We told Bunny that she should get married while we were there for her Convocation. No ‘going steady’ for 2-3 years like in the Western world.

Ingo and Bunny were only too willing to comply with our wish. Ingo’s parents were also very happy at the news.

So, we printed some sample wedding cards in Mumbai and sent to Ingo and Bunny for approval.

Imagine our surprise when Ingo pointed out that those cards were unacceptable because the standard Invocation to Gods “Shri Ganeshay Namah” was flanked on both side by the “swastika”.   symbols. The ‘swastika’ is now associated in Germany with Hitler and pre-war Nazi Germany and has fallen out of the favor of the modern German people. It is a ‘taboo’ now.

We had to replace the ‘swastika’ symbol with a cross because the cards were to be sent to Germany also, apart from India and USA, for Ingo’s relatives and friends.

So, new cards were printed and sent, new sarees were bought, new blouses stitched, new jewelry, including ‘mangalsutra’ were made for Bunny and we carried suitcases full of stuff, to the maximum luggage limit set by the airlines, to USA.

So, Bunny and Ingo got married according to the Christian Catholic rites just one day after the convocation.

Bunny also has one grouse. Both she and Ingo had to do a lot of work for their own wedding. – book the hall, decide the dishes, order the food, find a Minister, distribute the cards, ferry us to and from the airport etc. We would have taken care of all these if they were to marry in Mumbai.

Poor Bunny even refused to have Henna put on her palms when I offered to do it, because it will involve 3-4 hours of idle hands and she had laundry to do.

(Needless to say that during their Mumbai reception, they did not have to do ANY work.)

This wedding also was very smooth and sweet, though again, Chaos reigned. Bunny’s two friends were the bridesmaids. They were all gung-ho about this Hindu-Christian wedding and wanted to wear sarees for the occasion. I draped the sarees around them quite properly and used a lot of safety-pins to guard against the mishaps, but I could not foresee all the possibilities. The girls found it extremely difficult to go up and down the stairs wearing the sarees. At the end of the ceremony, their sarees were all askew and they were glad to get out of the sarees and into jeans and tee shirts, I can tell you.

It is a good thing that the Minister had insisted on a ‘rehearsal’ of the wedding the day before, because we hardly knew anything about what we were supposed to do. We had attended only 2-3 Christian weddings in Mumbai as guests.

So, when Bunny’s friend played ‘The wedding March’ on piano, we three (Bunny, Avi and myself) marched like soldiers towards the pulpit while Bambi and Mitali walked ahead and strewed imaginary flower-petals in our path. Mitali was supposed to be the ‘flower-girl’.

Bunny’s friend stopped ‘The wedding March’ and asked us, why we were walking so fast and furiously and then our misconception was cleared. They told us that even though it is called “The Wedding March”, we were not supposed to ‘march’ like soldiers towards the pulpit as though to “charge” it, but walk in a slow, steady rhythm towards it.

Thanks to the rehearsal, the next day we walked down the aisle slowly and gracefully towards the pulpit.

However, the rehearsal was of no use as far as the flower girl Mitali was concerned. The previous day, she was happy enough to strew imaginary flower-petals in our path, but when she was given the basket of real flower-petals to strew, she just hugged the basket tightly against her chest and declared “They are mine.” Bambi’s prompting also did not induce her to strew the petals.

We walked down the aisle which remained totally devoid of the flower-petals.

Vishnu had foreseen this kind of situation and had not entrusted Mitali with the ring but had kept it with himself. “Otherwise, when Bunny asks for the ring, we will have to chase Mitali all over the place because she will run, saying ‘it is mine’. He had predicted.

Thanks to his foresight, the ring was given to Bunny at the proper time, the rings were exchanged, the ‘mangalsutra’ was put around Bunny’s neck, and Bunny and Ingo had said “I Do.”

Bunny was married.

With just these two words, she had acquired a whole lot of new relationships and responsibilities. She was not our daughter alone, but also a daughter-in-law to Ingo’s parents. She was not only a sister to Bambi, but also a sister-in-law to Ingo’s brother and his wife. In addition to Mitali, she now had two more nieces and a nephew.

I felt like hugging her tightly to my chest and say “she is mine.” Even though I knew that she was no longer mine.

Ingo alone had the right to say that now.

In Bambi’s wedding, I had cried unashamedly and freely. This time, I could not cry with abandon, but I brushed away my tears surreptitiously with the end of my ‘Paithani’ and looked at Avi.

There were unshed tears in his eyes too.